she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
