Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
