We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just invented taco cereal.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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