Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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