I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
