i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
