just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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