Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
