How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize