I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
