Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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