he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
