Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
