READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When are your genitals available?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
