His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize