i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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