i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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