and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
