I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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