god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
