summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
