when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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