I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
