He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you inspire me to be a worse person
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
