sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
