i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
