he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
