Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
