I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
