What did we do last night that was yellow?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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