apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
