Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
