the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
