Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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