i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
