After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
