it wasn't lemon gatorade
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
