hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
