I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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