god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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