Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
