and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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