Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
