I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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