she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
