I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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