I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
