I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
