Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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