Sponge bath it is.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize