Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
