i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
