I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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