Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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