laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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