I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want to make out with him forever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
