man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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