you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
