I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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