I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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