I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
