He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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