That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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