Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize