so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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