weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
