Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
