I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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