Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
