dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When are your genitals available?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
