You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
