Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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