he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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