No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found puke in my bra..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
