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You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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