first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
