I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
