I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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