we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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