So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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