# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
