it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
