Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
