i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
