Apparently you make a good broom.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
