Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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