he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
