Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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