We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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