Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
