Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
