you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
