hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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