I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
