did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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