it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
