I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
