we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize