This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
