Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
