Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
