ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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