$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
